I kept the watch you said
I could try on
the one with the wide face
glassy-eyed stare,
a full moon balancing
on my wrist
three hands flickering,
breathlessly marking
the twitching seconds

I didn’t give back
that watch
at the time
I didn’t know we were
running late,
white rabbit speed

counting the seconds you didn’t
pay attention
dizzy driving
with deli sandwiches
florist with all the lilies
running so fast that it hurt
in the morning
you
off in Europe
summer damp with early nostalgia
birthdays always come too soon

after June you couldn’t
wear a watch anyway
not with the broken
wrist
watching
you wearing that
cast around town
a plaster reminder to lug on your rich-boy-tour-of-Europe trip
I wanted you the whole time
you put a hole in the wall
a hole gaping so wide it couldn’t decide
whether it was laughing
or crying

did you really find yourself
in that Prague street?
or hurling
in that Berlin drain?
or in that grey apartment?

I thought I found you in the crowd of people at the dim theatre
I thought I found you
when I wore that collarbone-white strapless dress
I thought I found you
when you said I’m the most beautiful
I thought I found you
when you raised that chipped glass of cheap wine
I thought I found you
when we said hello on the porch
I thought I found you
at the golf course
where Harry brought me first
you hated him
I loved that
I hate that
I loved that

I used to watch you
I wanted that watch
I wanted to sync up with you
I was the second thought that you
never gave

in December
the watch broke
leather band split
but in my desk drawer
the watch sprawls
crown face down
the hands still
nervously twitching
like they’re still trying to get things
straight